Have you ever heard of a paradigm shift?
A paradigm shift is when you force your mind to look at a situation in a different way.
Instead of looking at a potential problem, you could be looking at a potential solution, or window of opportunity.
We all react to situations in different ways. In our mind we choose to react to situations.
You can choose to react in a positive way or a negative way. It is all up to you.
How do you decide which way to look at a situation? That is up to you to decide.
You can only get out of life, that what you put in it. Love is an action verb. That means that if you want to be loved, you have to show love.
You are where are in life because it is where your thoughts have lead you to. You can only go in life where you thoughts lead you.
Where do you want to be in life? Okay, start going that way. It is just as easy, but it might take some hard work.
Let your mind take you where you want to go. Do you want to be in love? Do you want to love? When your heart is set for love and really desire love, then be in love. It's that easy! Act and feel everyday how much love is a part of you, then let it show and happen. Soak it in, to be in love is a very amazing feeling. You can tell by looking at a women just walking down the street whether she is in love.
Love makes your life different everyday, you look at life with such open eyes and heart.
Try it. Wake up tomorrow morning and say to yourself! I am in love, I desire love, love desires me. And let yourself act and feel freely all day and see how much better your day is, see how much better your husband responds to you. If you act as you are in a high school puppy love romance daily then the response you will get from your husband will be quite a surprise.
I love being in love, I love the look of love on my husband and the way it feels.
Showing posts with label rebuilding love in your marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rebuilding love in your marriage. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Marriage Tips; Trusting yourself and the Other
Do not look at others, look at yourself. And let what is inside of you come out, whatever the risk. There is no greater risk than suppression.
Listen to yourself~
Always listen to your own feelings, there is no need to look around. And by looking at people you cannot see exactly what is happening to them because their face is not their reality. Their outside appearance is not their inner, just as your outside appearance is not your inner.
This is the whole game that society plays, not to show your inner, your center, your real face. Hide it, show it only to someone who is very intimate and will understand. But who is intimate, even spouses do not show their faces to each other. Because nobody knows; the minute someone loves you the next minute they may not. How do you decide whom to have intimacy and show your true inner self?
I believe this is only a question you can answer yourself.
Listen to yourself~
Always listen to your own feelings, there is no need to look around. And by looking at people you cannot see exactly what is happening to them because their face is not their reality. Their outside appearance is not their inner, just as your outside appearance is not your inner.
This is the whole game that society plays, not to show your inner, your center, your real face. Hide it, show it only to someone who is very intimate and will understand. But who is intimate, even spouses do not show their faces to each other. Because nobody knows; the minute someone loves you the next minute they may not. How do you decide whom to have intimacy and show your true inner self?
I believe this is only a question you can answer yourself.
Marriage Tips; Trusting yourself and the Other
Do not look at others, look at yourself. And let what is inside of you come out, whatever the risk. There is no greater risk than suppression.
Listen to yourself~
Always listen to your own feelings, there is no need to look around. And by looking at people you cannot see exactly what is happening to them because their face is not their reality. Their outside appearance is not their inner, just as your outside appearance is not your inner.
This is the whole game that society plays, not to show your inner, your center, your real face. Hide it, show it only to someone who is very intimate and will understand. But who is intimate, even spouses do not show their faces to each other. Because nobody knows; the minute someone loves you the next minute they may not. How do you decide whom to have intimacy and show your true inner self?
I believe this is only a question you can answer yourself.
Listen to yourself~
Always listen to your own feelings, there is no need to look around. And by looking at people you cannot see exactly what is happening to them because their face is not their reality. Their outside appearance is not their inner, just as your outside appearance is not your inner.
This is the whole game that society plays, not to show your inner, your center, your real face. Hide it, show it only to someone who is very intimate and will understand. But who is intimate, even spouses do not show their faces to each other. Because nobody knows; the minute someone loves you the next minute they may not. How do you decide whom to have intimacy and show your true inner self?
I believe this is only a question you can answer yourself.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Marriage and Communication~
Communicating with Your Spouse;
If you respond to stress or conflict with an ingrained pattern that includes avoidance, anger, denial, etc., it can get in the way of effective communication, distancing you even further from your spouse.
Give or receive input;
Be open to receiving input from your spouse. You have to be willing to test and be tested. You don't have to say everything you're thinking, but everything you do say has to be accurate. If your spouse asks you if you're upset, and you are, you have to be willing to say, "Yes." It's important that both of you know they are going to be told the truth.
Reflect on words and feelings;
After receiving input from your spouse, verify that what you are hearing is what your spouse is actually saying. You've got to say, "What I hear from you content-wise is..." Then, to make sure you understand what she is feeling, you can say something like, "The feeling I'm getting from you is resentment/anger/hurt, etc. "Accept feedback and respond. If you are the person who is giving the input, you have to clarify things if your spouse isn't hearing what you are honestly trying to say. If you are the person receiving the input, you can respond once you know what you are responding to. Now that you are clear on what your spouse is really saying, you can accept the feedback.
If you respond to stress or conflict with an ingrained pattern that includes avoidance, anger, denial, etc., it can get in the way of effective communication, distancing you even further from your spouse.
Give or receive input;
Be open to receiving input from your spouse. You have to be willing to test and be tested. You don't have to say everything you're thinking, but everything you do say has to be accurate. If your spouse asks you if you're upset, and you are, you have to be willing to say, "Yes." It's important that both of you know they are going to be told the truth.
Reflect on words and feelings;
After receiving input from your spouse, verify that what you are hearing is what your spouse is actually saying. You've got to say, "What I hear from you content-wise is..." Then, to make sure you understand what she is feeling, you can say something like, "The feeling I'm getting from you is resentment/anger/hurt, etc. "Accept feedback and respond. If you are the person who is giving the input, you have to clarify things if your spouse isn't hearing what you are honestly trying to say. If you are the person receiving the input, you can respond once you know what you are responding to. Now that you are clear on what your spouse is really saying, you can accept the feedback.
- Stay in the moment.
- Stay with the issues at hand.
- Do not discuss past history at any timeduring this process.
- Do not leave.
- Do not leave the discussion until it is completed.
To keep it from dragging on, you can negotiate a time limit before hand so that both of you know how long the conversation will last.
Stop Excusing Inexcusable Behavior;
You can't sustain a relationship that is based on deception. If lies,infidelity, or other deal-breaking behaviors are threatening your marriage or partnership, remember that you teach people how to treat you. Your spouse is doing what he/she is doing because they can. If you're allowing the behavior to continue by making excuses for your spouse and blaming yourself, stop. If you want to be treated with dignity and respect, stand up and require it. You can't change what you don't acknowledge. First, acknowledge that there is something wrong. If what is happening isn't normal, admit it. You need to set some new standards of acceptable behavior and your spouse needs to know what those standards are. If you truly want the relationship to work, be real with yourself and yourspouse. Be completely honest and truthful with your spouse about your wants and needs. People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. You should be an open book to your mate.If you are the person who has damaged the relationship, make sure that you hear your spouse. He needs to know that you have listened and understand the full gravity of your actions and how they have affected him. Acknowledge the damage your behavior has caused to your spouse's self-esteem, mental state and emotions. Understand that any time you turn away from your spouse to fill your needs instead of toward him, it's a betrayal. It's not just what you do it's what you don't do. You can violate someone by withholding affection.What is the payoff for hanging onto the guilt? Listen to the messages you tell yourself. Are they keeping you on the right path or are they keeping you from actively participating in your life? If you feel better when you are punished, punishment has become a reward. Do you pull back from hope and optimism? Do you secretly believe, "If I get too happy, something bad is going to happen to me or my family"?
You aren't protecting anyone by withholding who you are. Get back in the game and contribute rather than hide.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Marriage Tips: Rebuilding your love
Rebuilding love in your marriage takes time, wanting, willingness, desire, and the most important work. Nobody has ever told me how easy marriage is, that is because marriage is just like your career. You have to invest your time and energy into wanting to succeed in your marriage just as you would with your job.
When teenagers fall in love, the emphasis is often on each of the partner's reactions and feelings. She loves the high she gets from knowing he desires her and thinks she is pretty. She also loves being seen at the high school football game with her special guy, knowing that there are other girls who would love to be in her shoes.
He loves what being with her does to his hormones and how manly he feels with her 5'5 frame next to his 6' 1. And he loves the way she laughs and flirts with him. Each thinks the other "hung the moon," so to speak. The falling in love stage that brings ecstatic high and delights is a very special treat. But over time, either love changes and deepens or it fades away. It's just not possible to stay in that magical falling - in - love stage forever. A deeper kind of love beckons that involves selfless giving and self-sacrifice. At this stage, the emphasis is on what you can do to help and support your partner.
Deep love helps you to see the best in your partner and to minimize their faults. It helps you to encourage them to be the best they can be and to pursue their dreams and goals. Because of your love for your spouse, you become their biggest cheerleader and fan. You want to show your love and appreciation in as many ways as you can. When you disagree, you are motivated to do everything that you can to settle your differences and restore harmony in your relationship. Even when you are upset with your spouse, you realize that your anger doesn't mean that you do not still deeply love them. The emotional tempest is temporary; your love is deep-rooted and stable.
A quote by Soren Kierkegaard beautifully captures the essence of deep love: "Perfect love means to love the one through whom one became unhappy."
Granted, this can certainly be a challenge at times, but it's an important point to understand. When your love is truly constant, then you want to be sure you don't say or do things when you're upset that will tear the fabric of your relationship. It's all too easy to act hastily on impulse and cause long-term damage. As you grow and deepen in your capacity to love, your starting place may be your spouse and any children in the marriage. But love that grows cannot be contained, and you'll find yourself reaching out to those around you in a spirit of sharing and giving. Thus love truly transforms not only the lover but also the world around you.
The conclusion is always the same: Love is the most powerful and still the most unknown energy of the world. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. Expect people to be better than they are, it helps them to become better. We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.
Love works wonders~
When teenagers fall in love, the emphasis is often on each of the partner's reactions and feelings. She loves the high she gets from knowing he desires her and thinks she is pretty. She also loves being seen at the high school football game with her special guy, knowing that there are other girls who would love to be in her shoes.
He loves what being with her does to his hormones and how manly he feels with her 5'5 frame next to his 6' 1. And he loves the way she laughs and flirts with him. Each thinks the other "hung the moon," so to speak. The falling in love stage that brings ecstatic high and delights is a very special treat. But over time, either love changes and deepens or it fades away. It's just not possible to stay in that magical falling - in - love stage forever. A deeper kind of love beckons that involves selfless giving and self-sacrifice. At this stage, the emphasis is on what you can do to help and support your partner.
Deep love helps you to see the best in your partner and to minimize their faults. It helps you to encourage them to be the best they can be and to pursue their dreams and goals. Because of your love for your spouse, you become their biggest cheerleader and fan. You want to show your love and appreciation in as many ways as you can. When you disagree, you are motivated to do everything that you can to settle your differences and restore harmony in your relationship. Even when you are upset with your spouse, you realize that your anger doesn't mean that you do not still deeply love them. The emotional tempest is temporary; your love is deep-rooted and stable.
A quote by Soren Kierkegaard beautifully captures the essence of deep love: "Perfect love means to love the one through whom one became unhappy."
Granted, this can certainly be a challenge at times, but it's an important point to understand. When your love is truly constant, then you want to be sure you don't say or do things when you're upset that will tear the fabric of your relationship. It's all too easy to act hastily on impulse and cause long-term damage. As you grow and deepen in your capacity to love, your starting place may be your spouse and any children in the marriage. But love that grows cannot be contained, and you'll find yourself reaching out to those around you in a spirit of sharing and giving. Thus love truly transforms not only the lover but also the world around you.
The conclusion is always the same: Love is the most powerful and still the most unknown energy of the world. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. Expect people to be better than they are, it helps them to become better. We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.
Love works wonders~
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