Life after Infidelity~

Moving Forward After Infidelity? Can you? Will you?

Whether you're the one who has strayed from your relationship or you're the partner who feels betrayed, you have to ask yourself the question that you only know..... CAN you move forward.
Were you cheated on? It is absolutely vital for YOU to decide alone if you can and when you will move forward with life and love. Being willing to trust again is key. Take things one step at a time. Don't try to make sense out of nonsense. Rationalizing your cheating spouse's behavior or sympathizing with him is pointless. It is never OK to go outside of your relationship to solve problems within a relationship. It's NOT your fault.

One thing I do know is that time heals nothing. It is what you do with the time that matters. Remember that it is better to be healthy alone than sick with someone else. If your partner wants back in, he will have to earn his way back into the relationship. Renegotiate the relationship in a way that works for both of you. There comes a point in time where you may have to draw a line and say, "That's it, I'm done. I'm not mad at you. I withdraw my feelings, I withdraw my emotions. You just go do whatever you're going to do because I'm not going to live like this anymore." Don't stay together for the children. Remember, kids would rather be from a broken home than live in one. They're much better off with one well-adjusted, happy, thriving parent, than they are with two who are cheating, lying, fighting, and living with stress and pressure. You have to make the decision about whether you can resolve to be part of your marriage or not.

Own the problems that you created throughout your marriage. You cannot change what you don't acknowledge. It is unfair to put all the blame on your spouse in any situation. That is a ridiculous comparison.

In order to resolve your relationship, contact with "the other person" must be cut off 100 percent. You can't work on dealing with the consequences of the affair while he is still having it. Don't rely on your heart to tell you what to do; rely on your intellect. Do what logic tells you is the right thing to do. Make the hard decisions. Either leave the marriage to free yourself, or commit to stay. Remember, checking out of one relationship before you finish it appropriately doesn't work. Ask yourself: What are you doing to help yourself get past the affair?
He will need to show enough maturity to recognize that life is not always all about him and what feels good for him in the moment. If you are married and have children, he has have an obligation and a commitment that far transcends what feels good.
He should help you find emotional closure. He must do whatever it takes until you find it. If it requires him to check in with you multiple times a day, then he should do it. It'll require him being where he is supposed to be, when he said he will be, 24 hours-a-day, seven days-a-week, so you can trust your spouse again.

And you he should do it!

Want to know if something is cheating? If you wouldn't do it with your spouse standing there, it's cheating. If your marriage is over and you have children, understand that your relationship with your ex will never end. You will always at least be co-parents of your children. Build a new relationship as their allies. Do you know what a healthy relationship is? Figure out what you want and behave your way to success~!