Life after Infidelity~

Moving Forward After Infidelity? Can you? Will you?

Whether you're the one who has strayed from your relationship or you're the partner who feels betrayed, you have to ask yourself the question that you only know..... CAN you move forward.
Were you cheated on? It is absolutely vital for YOU to decide alone if you can and when you will move forward with life and love. Being willing to trust again is key. Take things one step at a time. Don't try to make sense out of nonsense. Rationalizing your cheating spouse's behavior or sympathizing with him is pointless. It is never OK to go outside of your relationship to solve problems within a relationship. It's NOT your fault.

One thing I do know is that time heals nothing. It is what you do with the time that matters. Remember that it is better to be healthy alone than sick with someone else. If your partner wants back in, he will have to earn his way back into the relationship. Renegotiate the relationship in a way that works for both of you. There comes a point in time where you may have to draw a line and say, "That's it, I'm done. I'm not mad at you. I withdraw my feelings, I withdraw my emotions. You just go do whatever you're going to do because I'm not going to live like this anymore." Don't stay together for the children. Remember, kids would rather be from a broken home than live in one. They're much better off with one well-adjusted, happy, thriving parent, than they are with two who are cheating, lying, fighting, and living with stress and pressure. You have to make the decision about whether you can resolve to be part of your marriage or not.

Own the problems that you created throughout your marriage. You cannot change what you don't acknowledge. It is unfair to put all the blame on your spouse in any situation. That is a ridiculous comparison.

In order to resolve your relationship, contact with "the other person" must be cut off 100 percent. You can't work on dealing with the consequences of the affair while he is still having it. Don't rely on your heart to tell you what to do; rely on your intellect. Do what logic tells you is the right thing to do. Make the hard decisions. Either leave the marriage to free yourself, or commit to stay. Remember, checking out of one relationship before you finish it appropriately doesn't work. Ask yourself: What are you doing to help yourself get past the affair?
He will need to show enough maturity to recognize that life is not always all about him and what feels good for him in the moment. If you are married and have children, he has have an obligation and a commitment that far transcends what feels good.
He should help you find emotional closure. He must do whatever it takes until you find it. If it requires him to check in with you multiple times a day, then he should do it. It'll require him being where he is supposed to be, when he said he will be, 24 hours-a-day, seven days-a-week, so you can trust your spouse again.

And you he should do it!

Want to know if something is cheating? If you wouldn't do it with your spouse standing there, it's cheating. If your marriage is over and you have children, understand that your relationship with your ex will never end. You will always at least be co-parents of your children. Build a new relationship as their allies. Do you know what a healthy relationship is? Figure out what you want and behave your way to success~!

Marriage Tips; Infedility

When infediltiy happens in your marriage you have hope that your marriage can survive your spouse cheating on you. But you still fill sick inside when you think about the event.
Here's what I suggest you can do to get beyond the hurt, forgive your unfaithful husband, and save your marriage.

Difficulty: HardTime Required: Long Time
Here's How:
Don't make any major decisions about ending your marriage now just because your husband has been unfaithful. This is the time to do some reflection on your marriage to see what other issues other than this infidelity need to be recognized and dealt with.
Feelings are neither right or wrong. Accept that your feelings of rage, uncertainty, shock, agitation, fear, pain, depression and confusion about having an unfaithful husband are normal.
Take care of yourself. You may have some physical reactions to the infidelity such as nausea, diarrhea, sleep problems (too little or too much), shakiness, difficulting concentrating and not wanting to eat or binge eating.
Balance is the key to getting through this experience of coping with infidelity. Force yourself to eat healthy foods, to stay on a schedule, to sleep regular hours, to get some exercise each day, todrink plenty of water and to have some fun.
It's okay and healthy to laugh. Watch some funny movies or TV shows. Spend some time with people who make you smile. Life goes on in spite of heartache and your unfaithful husband.
Tears are healthy too. If they aren't coming naturally, put on some blues type music or watch a sad movie.
Begin another journal. Write down your thoughts and feelings about your husbands unfaithfulness.
Ask all the questions you want.Talk with your husband about the infidelity. Even if he is distant and not wanting to talk, you need to talk. However, you may have to accept that your husband may not know why the infidelity took place.
Work together Don't try to get through coping with unfaithfulness alone.
Take it one day at a time. Both you and your husband should be tested for AIDS/HIVS and STD's before you resume sexual intimacy without protection.
Your children need to know that you are going to be okay. You can't hide the fact that you are going through a trauma. Be honest with your children, but don't weigh them down with details about how your husband cheated on you. Don't make promises that you can't keep.
Try not to get into the blaming game over who or what caused the infidelity. It's just wasted energy. It won't change anything.
You may have post-traumatic stress. If you are jumpy, yell at trivial actions, feel like you are walking on egg shells, and continue to have physical reactions when you are reminded of the infidelity, see a physician as soon as you can.
It takes time to get beyond the pain of having an unfaithful husband. Don't expect the mixture of feelings, the sense of confusion and limbo, and the mistrust to go away just because you've tried to forgiveyour husband and made a commitment to save your marriage.
Get practical. Look at your finances, housing situation, transportation, etc. If you do decide to end your marriage, make sure you have thought out where you will live, if you have enough money to pay for your essentials, etc.
Tips:There is no simple answer to why someone becomes unfaithful. It could be a symptom of other problems in the marriage, itcould relate to something in your husbands past. You may never truly know why it happened.
Knowing the type of infidelity sometimes makes understanding it easier. Was it a one-night stand or an affair? Due to a mid-life or life crisis? A sexual addiction or an act of retaliation? Did the cheating occur to end the marriage?
Remember that your marriage has changed. You will need to grieve that loss.
The stages of death and dying (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance) are part of the grieving process. It doesn't mean your marriage can't be renewed and strengthened, because it can. But it will be different.
Think twice before you tell your family or your husbands family about the infidelity. Family members can often hold grudges a long time.

It is you and only you that can make the decision to stay in your marriage. If you do stay in your marriage you must work through it and move on. Do not allow it to damage your future.