The first step in changing unhealthy behavior is understanding it.
It is important for co-dependents and their family members to educate themselves about the course and it's cycle and how it extends into their relationships.
A lot of change and growth is necessary for the co-dependent and her family. The co-dependent must identify and embrace her feelings and needs.
Throughout this article I am going to use the term "her" many times. I use "her" because this is me... I am the co-dependent struggling to save my marriage. I hope my Marriage Tips; Marriage Advice will help you in some way~
Hope lies in learning more. The more you understand the better you can cope with it's effects. Reaching out for information and assistance can help you live a healthier, more fulfilling life.
You will have a successful recovery by adapting good learning skills, taking a good look at yourself and your actions, and allowing the necessary TIME to make changes that work for YOU! While codependency can be tackled by yourself with motivation, discipline, and education, counseling along with a positive supportive spouse can make these tasks tremendously easier by pointing out problems and non-helpful behaviors. Plus, counseling gives you a chance to process your plans and progress on a weekly basis. When you've moved on, you will find it was more than worth it. Remember to keep weekly journals of your progress. (this was very helpful to me, to be able to look back and see how much I have changed and developed.)
Learning assertiveness, listening, and communication skills is important to help your spouse in being a supportive partner. In treatment your spouse can help you by becoming more aware of non-helpful actions/behaviors, and work with you on developing new, healthier coping skills.
In the case of codependency though, counseling only helps if the counselor is aware of their own tendency towards co dependence, or if the counselor has some understanding about the addictive push in our society. Counselors, in the case of codependency, need to educate you in good boundary setting and healthy living.
IDENTITY CRISIS
You are likely to go through an identity crisis. Be prepared to see and become who you really are. Maybe you won't be the cute, innocent, docile creature you think you are. So be it! Better to be genuine. Your real personality will not hurt anyone. Your truly wonderful and valuable personality characteristics will remain intact. The only aspect that will be lost will be the phony ones that you are clinging to, or that others have imprinted upon you but that are not the REAL YOU!
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Marriage Tips; Power Struggles within your marriage~
Power struggles are antiques in the making. They are becoming dated, and eventually they will become obsolete.
The difference between power struggles and antiques is that antiques acquire nostalgic value, but power struggles will not. They will be seen clearly for what they are - artifacts of an earlier form of human evolution that is no longer constructive.
When a new structure is built, excavation of the building site unearths rusted pipe, bent nails, broken glass, and foundations of buildings built long ago. Ground is now being broken for a new human awareness. When this structure is complete, it will replace all that stood in the same place. A new humankind is being born, and with it a new consciousness that is changing every aspect of the human experience.
Power struggles are the most prominent characteristic of the human experience, the dominant elements in the landscape. Human history is the chronicle of power struggles between individuals, spouses and relationships.
Striving to manipulate and control what appears to be external, including other people, is the pursuit of external power. Creating external power has kept us alive, and allowed us to prosper. It has produced shelter, agriculture, science, and more. Everything that does not occur naturally is a product of external power.
The pursuit of external power without reverence is the cause of every conflict, cruelty, and painful emotion. There are no constructive consequences that can come from a power struggle, because the perception of power has the ability to manipulate and control no longer serves purpose. That perception underlies every power struggle.
The difference between power struggles and antiques is that antiques acquire nostalgic value, but power struggles will not. They will be seen clearly for what they are - artifacts of an earlier form of human evolution that is no longer constructive.
When a new structure is built, excavation of the building site unearths rusted pipe, bent nails, broken glass, and foundations of buildings built long ago. Ground is now being broken for a new human awareness. When this structure is complete, it will replace all that stood in the same place. A new humankind is being born, and with it a new consciousness that is changing every aspect of the human experience.
Power struggles are the most prominent characteristic of the human experience, the dominant elements in the landscape. Human history is the chronicle of power struggles between individuals, spouses and relationships.
Striving to manipulate and control what appears to be external, including other people, is the pursuit of external power. Creating external power has kept us alive, and allowed us to prosper. It has produced shelter, agriculture, science, and more. Everything that does not occur naturally is a product of external power.
The pursuit of external power without reverence is the cause of every conflict, cruelty, and painful emotion. There are no constructive consequences that can come from a power struggle, because the perception of power has the ability to manipulate and control no longer serves purpose. That perception underlies every power struggle.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Marriage Tips; Women are the foundation~
Out of men and women, who can save the marriage better? Who can be the foundation that is so strong that the building does not shake despite an earthquake? Who do you think is fit for this role- women or men?
Common sense tells us that a woman can become a better foundation compared to the man. But common sense deceives us very often. Every marriage has its own problems and characteristics.
If the man is more concerned and more intelligent, he will save the marriage and if the woman is more concerned, she will save the marriage. It will depend upon the ability and desire of both the partners. No one can say that women are better suited to save the marriage. Sometimes they wreck it.
As said, the partner who is more intelligent and values the marriage more will save it through all the obstacles.
Common sense tells us that a woman can become a better foundation compared to the man. But common sense deceives us very often. Every marriage has its own problems and characteristics.
If the man is more concerned and more intelligent, he will save the marriage and if the woman is more concerned, she will save the marriage. It will depend upon the ability and desire of both the partners. No one can say that women are better suited to save the marriage. Sometimes they wreck it.
As said, the partner who is more intelligent and values the marriage more will save it through all the obstacles.
Friday, May 11, 2007
Marriage Tips~ Desperate to save your marriage
One day you come to a realization that your marriage is headed to divorce. Where do you go, what do you do, where do you turn?
If I can offer you anything, it is this: You cannot repair your marriage ALONE!! One of you may want to save your marriage more than the other, and you can work with that. But it will take both of you to successfully save your marriage.
When I found myself going through a difficult time in my marriage, I was at a loss. I had no idea what I was doing day to day. I look back now and I cannot tell you what I did during those two months that my husband was confidently telling me he wanted a divorce. I remember feeling as though my life was falling apart and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.
All I knew is that the man that I was completely head over heels in love with, was not for whatever reason able to stand by me when I had a problem. He was not able to offer me the strength and guidance that I could come to him about absolutely anything. I was suppose to be able to "walk on water" and never make a mistake. Not very realistic.
When I was searching out for guidance the best information I found was on the Internet. When you are going through a difficult time, you are looking for that one answer. The perfect answer that will just tell you what to do, to be able to fix everything.
After all my searches day after day I found several great sites with information that did in fact help save my marriage. Now that I am starting to repair my life, I feel the desire to help other women that may be in similar situation.
Copy and past this link http://marriage.about.com into the google address bar in the right top corner... this site is what honestly helped me save my marriage. I cannot say enough good things... about.com is an information site that can guide you, help you, teach you, and offer you help when you need it the most.
Please check out these links that I am supplying, if you can take the time to read the information you will get some great guidance.
GO HERE for save my marriage guidance
Tips to save your marriage
50 Tips to a better marriage
Put trust back in your marriage
Please leave me your comments and feedback~
If I can offer you anything, it is this: You cannot repair your marriage ALONE!! One of you may want to save your marriage more than the other, and you can work with that. But it will take both of you to successfully save your marriage.
When I found myself going through a difficult time in my marriage, I was at a loss. I had no idea what I was doing day to day. I look back now and I cannot tell you what I did during those two months that my husband was confidently telling me he wanted a divorce. I remember feeling as though my life was falling apart and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.
All I knew is that the man that I was completely head over heels in love with, was not for whatever reason able to stand by me when I had a problem. He was not able to offer me the strength and guidance that I could come to him about absolutely anything. I was suppose to be able to "walk on water" and never make a mistake. Not very realistic.
When I was searching out for guidance the best information I found was on the Internet. When you are going through a difficult time, you are looking for that one answer. The perfect answer that will just tell you what to do, to be able to fix everything.
After all my searches day after day I found several great sites with information that did in fact help save my marriage. Now that I am starting to repair my life, I feel the desire to help other women that may be in similar situation.
Copy and past this link http://marriage.about.com into the google address bar in the right top corner... this site is what honestly helped me save my marriage. I cannot say enough good things... about.com is an information site that can guide you, help you, teach you, and offer you help when you need it the most.
Please check out these links that I am supplying, if you can take the time to read the information you will get some great guidance.
GO HERE for save my marriage guidance
Tips to save your marriage
50 Tips to a better marriage
Put trust back in your marriage
Please leave me your comments and feedback~
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